02 Feb 2008

The products Ikea doesn't want you to know about

My good friend Doug and his mate Andy have uncovered a range of products by Ikea which, for reasons known only to the company, are being kept a closely guarded secret.

They are:

Krepp : storage box for the attic

Pointliss : fragranced paper flowers

Wanka : paper towel holder

Arsehold : uncomfortable wooden sofa

Pissd : extra large chardonnay glasses

Wathefuk : large glass container of indeterminate purpose

Drivel : the most recent catalogue

Krust : personal grooming equipment

Stubb : a small coffee table that is easy to bump into

Zitt : enlarging make-up mirror

Klaps : a very complicated self assembly cupboard

If anyone has more information about these, or other covert home furnishings, please be sure to let us know. 

 

Update [04/02/2008]: Doug and Andy have unearthed another secret document containing details of the following products:

ignord : pot plant that was impulse bought at the checkout

drivl : bookshelf for Jeffrey Archer novels

smeer : plastic toilet seat

dribl : shaped rug that fits around the toilet

dyre : any framed picture or photograph (especially tennis playing girl who is wearing no knickers)

snnort : any glass topped table

crakk : any glass topped furniture

unred : table for coffee table books

 

By trish

Comments (3)

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steve
Posts: 2
Comment
Yet more weird Ikea products
Reply #3 on : Thu February 07, 2008, 00:47:15
Andy has supplied details of further products discovered during his investigation of Ikea's secrets:

Snagg: A wooden seat with a tiny sharp bit sticking out of the arm

Lurstin: A large beanbag type chair, into which small children disappear

Thwak: A heavy, sharp edged lampshade which hangs too low

Dusta: A non-functioning fluffy pom-pom on the end of a long stick

Scrogg: An item of questionable use, which lives in the bedroom

Krank: A small, yet sturdy implement for opening recalcitrant doors

Wivvit: A kitchen utensil, so called because someone always asks "Wotcha doo wivvit?"

Digga: A type of gardening implement. (Australian stores only)

Spillit: A set of 6 heavy, square shaped mugs with awkward handles

Klatta: A plastic bathroom cabinet, the door of which always slams shut

Manke: A colourful, stiff bristled brush for cleaning mould off tile grout

Stagga: A table in a huge flat-pack box, which is tricky to get to your car

Bord: A pre-framed picture you really liked when you bought it

Stonka: An enormous, heavy wardrobe
Last Edit: February 07, 2008, 09:45:38 by steve  
Trish
Posts: 1
Comment
Two more products
Reply #2 on : Thu February 07, 2008, 09:37:31
Notinstok
Matching cupboard doors for Niklas shelving set

Ragg
Overall brand name for all Ikea fabrics
steve
Posts: 2
Comment
And more...
Reply #1 on : Thu February 07, 2008, 09:44:36
Wobl - a range of products, all of which are missing one nut

Darknuss - large candles which won't stay lit

Tortur - sofa beds with metal struts positioned at key spinal acupressure points